The SCIENTIST: DATE 2, I'm in LOVE...
I met a really swell guy and honestly if anyone ever described me as “swell” I would throw them THE👏MOST👏 amount of side eye. This particular swell guy is known as "the scientist" from speed dating.
Bill Nye and I sit down at a vegan restaurant (which is baller for me as I am a vegetarian). He gets up 4 minutes after I arrive and awkwardly walks over to me to give me a hug. That would have made more sense if he gave me a hug when I got there but he ACTUALLY ALREADY DID THAT. So now I am four minutes in and get TWO hugs. By a swell scientist. At a vegan restaurant...
We start talking about life and he says he isn't a typical gay and that he hates Broadway and leather bars. At this point I am SHOOKETH as I say I am an actor and that I went to The Eagle the night before...For those of you that do not know what The Eagle is it is a leather bear bar...For those of you who do not know what a leather bear bar is then why are we friends...ANYWAY He gets nervous then searches his pockets and says "oh shit." I’m thinking he forgot his wallet. He says he forgot his Epi Pen. I say don’t you live near why not go get it? He dashes out. I’m alone. He comes back. We hit it off. We talk about science and shit. This was the day the black hole was found so I thought it was a cute idea to bring up to him. He did not want to talk about it. We go outside. It’s raining. We make out. He invites me up and I decline as I’m a nice Jewish boy...I'm in LOVE! Like TOTALLY IN LOVE...I tell my Mom about him...
DATE 3 “How Goats Ruined My Love Life”
The scientist and I decide to have another date and the day of he asks me if I want to go to dinner or come over and order in and watch a movie. I Clearly Clarkson vote for the latter option. Ps do you think Clearly Clarkson is a good drag name for me? Anyway I go to his place. It is 8pm. He offers me almond milk. I choose water. He says to not drink too much of the bottled water because he needs it for his espresso in the morning. We order pasta and garlic bread. #HowRomantic 😬 He pays with his credit card and I offer to Venmo him. He says yes and asks for $23.60 I appreciate his specificity.
He has 2 enormous cats. They are literally Garfield and Old Deuteronomy. They keep walking on us as we watch Schitts Creek. The scientist throws the cats off us every 5 minutes. You know How I told my Mom about him? Well at some point I tell him that I told my Mom about him. I tell him I like goats. I tell him about why I like leather. I tell him about my exes. I’m word vomiting on him. Then Shit gets weird.
He says well are we having sex? I can’t even move with the amount of pasta and garlic break that I just inhaled. I’m CRAVING water but know he doesn’t want me touching the bottle. I say I like to hold out on having sex. #What? He says sex is important. I say yes but like maybe we shouldn't have had 13 pounds of spaghetti and GARLIC BREAD.
The next day I apologize for over sharing about my mom, leather, goats, past relationships. He says yeah it was weird. He then says WHY DO YOU LIKE GOATS? WHY RAVI? WHY?!? I say because they are often misunderstood LIKE ME. We have awkward banter for 7 days about nothing other than complete misunderstandings. He runs a half marathon in Jersey. I say what part? He says the whole race. JUST AWKWARD. So yesterday I say Hey let’s hang out this weekend and if you are still wondering how cute I am here’s a pic of me with a goat. He says JESUS RAVI. I say why are you so mean. He says “babe...it’s just too much. You beat the joke to death...I’m trying here, I swear.”
(But it’s not a joke. I love goats)
The end. Our wedding will not be happening next week. Ps I’m still single and I’m forming a new blog within Ravi Round The World called Not Another Average Gay. Until next time👋